Walking Out of Here
by tiffdevol
Summary: "The desperation wells up inside of her, weighing heavy against her rib cage. She swallows thickly, forcing the panic back down her throat as her heart threatens to crack inside of her chest." Insert/post ep for 7x15. Spoilers abound if you've not seen the episode yet!
1. Chapter 1

The desperation wells up inside of her, weighing heavy against her rib cage. She swallows thickly, forcing the panic back down her throat as her heart threatens to crack inside of her chest. She's barely hanging on, her mind racing in a thousand directions, playing forward each possible ending to this story in horrifying detail. This can't be happening, not now. Not when she's made it this far and has so much to lose.

She stretches against her restraints, feels the burn at her wrists, the ache in her shoulders. She can't die here, can't do that to him, and yet she knows that this time is different. Her odds of surviving a serial killer for the second time are slim to none and she can feel it deep down to her core, feel it seep into her cells. She will die here today. She thinks about what it will do to him, losing her like this. Thinks about what it will be like to bleed out on this table, choking on a sob with his name on her lips. Would this woman keeping her captive be that cruel? Or would she simply press a needle into her skin and let her float into effortless sleep knowing she'll never wake up?

Kate finds herself lying on the table, her lips trembling from a mixture of fear and cold, and wonders what happens next. How would Castle rewrite her ending? She rolls her head to the side and watches with horrified curiosity as Dr. Nieman works on her new digital masterpiece. What could possibly have happened in this woman's life? What dark mixture of nature vs. nurture led the woman to this terrible moment here with her? Did little Kelly Nieman always dream of butchering women, but settle for being a plastic surgeon as the closest she could come to such an act of depravity? Kate feels the questions tumble through her head as she scrapes her fingernail against the one thing holding her to this nightmare.

"Faces fascinate me," Kelly explains as she continues to work with her program. "The mask we show to the world? I find that clients invariably hope a procedure won't just change their looks but change who they are in some deeper way."

Kate tries hard to quell the urge to vomit as she watches the digital scalpel work its way across the computer screen.

"It never does," Kelly continues, sadly. "No more than painting a house can change the things that happened inside of it."

Kate swallows hard. Clearly something happened to this woman to make her capable of falling in love with with a man like Tyson, capable of having her abducted and tying her to a surgical table. Kate closes her eyes and tries to breathe evenly, tries to calm her racing heart and twisting stomach. She can't let this happen. Can't let this woman take away everything. She opens her eyes and lets her head loll back to the side, a way to inconspicuously monitor her progress as her fingers scratch along at a more hurried pace.

When the phone rings, Kate startles, her head whipping around to focus on Kelly while her fingers fall still and her breath falls silent.

Kelly snatches up the phone and presses it to her ear, eager. "Yes," she answers. "Do you have him?"

Kate feels her blood go cold as her heart screams in a pitch that reverberates through her chest cavity. Tears sting her eyes and her head begins to throb. Bile rises in her throat and she closes her right hand into a fist, desperately attempting to ward off the tidal wave of panic that threatens to drown her on this table.

"Enough. I can do the rest after." Kelly speaks calmly into the phone, turning to give Kate only a quick glance.

Kate squeezes her eyes shut and bites against her gag as her torso stiffens. No, no, no...this can't be happening. Her brain sings the words, let's them roll through her body in a slow, funerary procession.

Kelly comes to her then, offering words she thinks should be of comfort to the detective. "It will all be over soon, but I've so enjoyed our time together." She gives what she hopes is an apologetic look and a half smile because she really has enjoyed spending time with the younger woman. Has enjoyed having someone as beautiful, and intelligent as she is to converse with, even if only for a brief time. This detective has been a challenge, a worthy adversary, and a woman who reminds her a lot of herself. Strong, determined, and fearless. Even bound and gagged on her surgical table, Kelly knows this woman is still a force to be reckoned with. She feels almost sad for Kate, seeing the strength mixed with fear in her eyes, but she knows that Kate and her writer will never stop hunting them. Knows that the only way to have her happy ending is to do what must be done, and so while she respects the woman she is holding captive, she respects her enough to know she's a threat.

Kate blinks away tears as Kelly leaves her side and her fingers continue their frantic mission. She can't let this happen. Her thoughts drift to her husband and the pang of guilt she feels for going it alone on this. She knows she never would have let him go alone if their situation had been reversed; she knows that she's used her job, her training as a cop, to convince him that she'll always come home safe. It's what she has to tell herself each day she puts on the badge, because it's the only thing that keeps the fear of not coming back to him at bay. Now as she lies on this cold table, she wishes she had listened to him. Wishes she had let him follow his instincts to come with her to talk to Amy Barrett. Tears spill down her cheeks as she lets her mind drift to his smile, his infectious charm and love for life. He is the most amazing man she's ever known and loving him and being loved by him have saved her a thousand times over. He's made her a stronger and better person and she wants to give him everything, believes he deserves everything.

She had been so close.

Kelly paces the room, her hand trembling just slightly against the cell phone she has pressed intently to her ear. Something is wrong, she can feel it. Jerry should have called by now. She goes through the scenarios in her mind, and none of them are good. She hurriedly grabs her purse, folding it over to perch atop her files that she cradles to her chest. She needs to get to him. She chances a glance to Kate and their eyes lock, stopping Kelly in her tracks. She considers the younger woman and tries to quell the panic fluttering in her stomach. Kate wouldn't run. Kate would complete the mission. Kelly gently sets her belongings back on the desk and makes her way to the surgical table, curling her fingers around a scalpel. "I'm afraid it's time, Detective."

Kate's bloodied fingers tremble as she works slowly, imperceptibly, at the threads of her wrist strap. Time. What she needs is time. She weighs her options, the nausea creeping up into her throat and making her feel lightheaded. She has so much to gain and little at this point to lose by throwing the dice this one last time, choosing to do what will make the most impact and increase her chances of walking out of here alive. She just needs to buy some time. Kate takes a shuddery breath, and decides to trust herself as a detective, trust her ability to profile. She presses her hips up gently, slightly from the table, and draws Kelly's attention. She's going to use her baby to beg for her life.

"Please," She begs through her gag, her eyes swimming with fear and longing as tears trace their way down her flushed cheeks. "Kelly please, I'm pregnant."

The surgeon stills, her scalpel poised above Kate's face as she lets the words sink in, her mouth falling open. She sees a new emotion swimming in the detective's eyes and it takes her completely by surprise. Oh this... this is _new_. This look is shockingly, beautifully new. It breathes of life and love and passion and it's dripping with a longing so deep and raw that Kelly feels it tug at her own heart. This woman is a lioness with a primal need to protect her cub and Kelly can see it now, lets herself feel what Kate is feeling. She slowly lowers the scalpel to the tray and lays a hand on Kate's shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Oh detective," She begins, closing her eyes before regarding the younger woman with a look of pained understanding. "You poor, beautiful creature."

Kate stares up into the surgeon's face, and doesn't flinch at her touch, not this time. She lets herself melt into it, let's her head tilt toward the woman and allows her face to go back to a time when she was young and small; a time filled with apology for knocking over her mother's cookie jar or for coloring on her bedroom wall. She stares up into Kelly's eyes and focuses on pools of clear blue, fighting the urge to think of Castle's, as she pours everything she has into her gaze.

Kelly stares down at her in wonder and runs a thumb along Kate's lips, tears forming in her eyes. She takes a slow breath and then slips the gag from the younger woman's mouth. "A baby," She breathes, smiling.

A sob escapes Kate's lips and Kelly shushes her gently. "It's okay detective. It's going to be okay."

Kate lets her eyes fall closed as she offers up a silent, devastating prayer that wherever her husband is, he makes it through alive. She has to come back to him and he has to come back to her, because he's got no idea that she cradles this tiny life inside of her womb. She feels it bubble up inside of her then, the inexplicable love, and it ignites a fire deep inside of her.

She's walking out of here.

* * *

**Huge thanks to KyinHi for convincing me to go forward with this story. You rock my unicorn world. Reviews make me happy!**


	2. Chapter 2

Kelly gently brushes the hair from Kate's forehead, lets her fingers glide through the younger woman's chocolate waves and then curls a lock around her index finger, smiling sweetly. "You know detective, a baby is such a beautiful mix of its parents' DNA. Such potential, such sweet newness."

Kate smiles at that, listening intently to the woman hovering above her; she nods, following along, even as she winds a thread between her thumb and index finger and begins to pull, her resolve firmly intact as she feels the thread dig into her skin and slice at her flesh.

She lets Kelly pet her, lets her run her fingers through her hair, and manages not to jerk up from the table when the woman's fingers leave her hair to trace down her side and crawl across her abdomen.

"I..I never thought I'd have a baby." Kate admits suddenly, lifting her head to look down at where Kelly's palm is placed flat against her lower abdomen before letting out a breath and laying her head back down against the surgical table, her eyes falling closed for just a brief respite.

Kelly looks down at her, surprised. "Did you not want children?"

Kate opens her eyes and finds true concern written all over the surgeon's face. "No, no it's not that." Kate shakes her head and swallows thickly. "I just-when my mother was killed I didn't want to hurt anymore. I didn't want…" Kate trails off, tears beginning to clog her throat. She doesn't want to go to that place, not with this woman. Not when it took Castle years to draw this out of her. Her mind drifts to coffee cups, swing sets and theory building, and she wants to fall apart, wants the pain in her soul to be soaked up by the warmth of his smile, and the feel of his breath at the back of her neck as his body drapes heavily over hers. She's never needed another human being the way she needs him and it leaves her raw and terrified. She doesn't know if she can do this.

"You didn't want to be connected to anyone or anything." Kelly finishes for her, and Kate senses true empathy, even through the mask of insanity.

"Yeah." Kate breathes, a fresh tear slipping down her cheek, as fresh blood trickles down her index finger and pools into her palm. She can swear she detects the smell of iron in the air and worries the scent of her lifeblood will be the very thing that ends up taking her life. But Kelly doesn't seem to notice and continues her appraisal seemingly unaware of the frantic struggle for freedom playing out just inches away from her line of vision.

* * *

Kelly tilts her head to the side, considering. "I know the feeling," she shares finally, letting out a breath and looking down again at her captive. She's stunned by this woman. Stunned that even now in the midst of all of this, with everything at stake, that this woman has opened up to her and shared her pain. She reaches out and and lets the back of her fingers flutter down Kate's cheek. "You don't need to be scared," she whispers, offering Kate a small smile.

Kate wets her lips and stretches out her right wrist, pulling at her restraints. "I want to believe that Kelly, but you've got me tied down here."

Kate lifts her head toward the older woman and Kelly senses the shift in her, hears the calculation in her words. She reminds herself to stay vigilant, to stick to the plan. It won't do for her to lose her resolve now.

"I just-I just want to get my baby out of here."

It comes out on a shaky breath, and Kelly's heart clenches, for just a moment, awakening a part of herself she thought long forgotten. She bites down on the inside on her cheek and shakes her head to clear the errant notions of compassion. She has a job to do.

The surgeon fixes Kate with a pointed look."You know I can't do that."

* * *

"Please, Kelly." Kate implores, feeling the prick of fresh tears pooling in her eyes. "You've won. You've won and you can just walk out of here." She feels the desperation crawl up her spine, feels the fear spreading like ice water through her veins.

Kelly gives her a pitiful smile and cups a palm to her cheek, lets her thumb skim the surface of her delicate skin. "Oh detective," she sighs. "I know how this story ends."

Kate feels her entire world crumble away as her soul begins to bleed out.

"You won't ever stop looking for me, for Jerry. You won't stop looking for justice," Kelly continues, sadly. "I don't hold it against you, it's who you are. It's what makes me so fascinated by you, it's how you've earned my respect." Kelly reaches over and gently replaces the gag before turning back to her surgical tools. She reaches for the scalpel, her fingertips sliding across the cool metal before deftly slipping it into her hand.

Kate's body reacts violently, as she fights hard against her restraints. "Please, please don't do this." She begs through the gag, choking on a sob as she flexes her bare feet, desperately trying to gain purchase against the surgical table. Nylon digs into her skin, rubbing her wrists raw, and she fights ever harder, battling for life. She wonders for a brief moment if the struggle will hurt her unborn child. Every instinct in her body is screaming for escape, both human instinct and her training demand it, but a small and upsetting thought, only now beginning to bloom, tells her to still, to curl in on herself and protect. She dismisses the thought almost as soon as it begins. It's hormones, and maternal, and as noble as those feelings might be, they won't get her or her baby out of here alive. She clenches her jaw, curls her wrist, and loosens another thread.

Kelly turns to her, scalpel in hand. "I truly am sorry Kate, but it's time."

Time is all she had needed.

Kate pulls hard against her restraints and feels the bones in her left wrist crack under the pressure before the strap slips free and her arm rockets forward to grab Kelly's wrist in a vice grip. The complete shock that drips from the older woman's face propels Kate forward as adrenaline floods through her, her heart tripping into double time as her fight or flight response kicks in. She will _not_ die here today. She can feel Kelly fighting for control, but she's got the element of surprise and so she uses it to push Nieman backwards before violently dragging her forward, knocking the woman off balance and sending her tumbling across her lap. Kate uses the new leverage to wrench the scalpel from her hand, but Kelly reacts instantly and her hands go for Kate's throat.

Kate screams as Nieman slams her back against the table, squirming as the older woman tries to climb on top of her. She can feel hands tightening around her throat and uses the scalpel to slash at Neiman's arms, catching the underside of the woman's right wrist. Kelly falls back off of the surgical table, gripping her wrist to stem what is most certainly a blow to her artery.

Kate hurriedly works to cut through her ankle restraints, her eyes darting wildly, taking in information but barely comprehending what she's seeing, snapping back and forth between any means of escape and the surgeon standing baffled in front of her. The seconds tick by slowly as Kate slashes and cuts at the tough fabric, sweat and panic gliding down the skin of her back. After what seems an eternity, she finally feels the last restraint slip free from her ankle, and she scrambles off of the table, her bare feet colliding with the cool floor. She holds the scalpel in front of her and carefully approaches a gravely injured Kelly Nieman.

The surgeon stands facing her, crimson staining her hands, her legs, and pooling onto the floor at her feet. She's calm, too calm, and she watches Kate intently as she approaches.

"I'll make this easy on you detective," she whispers, her lips lifting into a sad smile. And then she launches herself forward, a pair or surgical scissors in her left hand.

Kate reacts quickly, tries to sidestep the blow and grab Kelly's arm, but the older woman has the momentum and it sends Kate stumbling backward. Time slows down, and Kate can hear the blood rushing in her ears, can feel the overwhelming panic threatening to choke her lungs and stop her heart. She does the only thing she can do and sinks the scalpel deep into the side of Kelly Nieman's throat. The smell of iron floods her nostrils, surely not imagined this time, and warm, sticky crimson leaks out onto her hand as the momentum tumbles her backwards onto the floor, the scalpel yanking its way out of the surgeon's throat.

Kelly stands frozen, one hand at her throat as the blood seeps through her fingers and runs down her torso. She offers Kate one final, haunting smile, and then sinks to the floor as her heart pumps the rest of the blood out of her body.

The room falls eerily silent as Kate pushes herself up, ignoring the flare of pain in her wrist and the vomit rising in her throat. She stands transfixed, blood dripping from the scalpel as she looks on in horror at the scene in front of her. It could have been her bleeding out in this surgical room. It so very easily could have been her.

She feels trapped even now, rooted to the spot, absolutely terrified of what she will find if she leaves this little room. Tyson had her husband. She knows it, she heard it, and all she can think about is how there may be nothing left to go back to. She can't survive losing him again, not even for the little life nestled safely inside of her. She's not sure anyone should have to be that strong.

Still overwhelmed with her sense of impending loss, she doesn't even turn when the tactical team enters the room. She can't face them, not like this. Not when she's still holding the bloody scalpel, evidence of her failure as a cop.

"Beckett?"

It takes her a moment, a moment to collect the pieces of her fractured psyche in order to turn around and face him. To let him see what she's done. Her heart hammers away in her chest as she locks onto his gaze, searching for any hint of horror at what he sees in front of him. But he makes his way to her without hesitation, lifting his hands to her face. _This..._ she's never seen this look in his eyes. It's murderous, and dangerous, and filled with a passion for her that she's never experienced. This man has been to war for her, and as he cups her face in his hand she has a brief moment of uncertainty, the touch feeling a little too much like possession. A little too much like Kelly Nieman. He let's out a shaky breath and draws her eyes back to his before bringing her against his chest and letting out a sigh of heartbreaking relief. She finds herself melting against him, too shocked to even formulate a sound.

* * *

**Wow! Thank you so much for all of the follows, favorites, and amazing reviews! I hope this chapter lives up to your beautiful expectations. Much, much love to my unicorn beta, Kyinhi (I owe her a lot of cookies) for her talent and encouragement, and much love to all of you reading and taking the time to write me something awesome.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

He feels her shiver against him like a broken leaf, powerless to the impending winter's chill. He's dragged her from the room where Kelly Nieman's body lies, the metallic scent of blood choking his throat, and now, standing in the hallway, he can feel Kate trembling uncontrollably against him, her bloodied hands hanging lifeless at her sides. He's whispering ragged declarations of love and relief into her hair, trying desperately to infuse his warmth into her soul and _oh,_ she's coughing up vomit now. He turns her to the wall of the dimly lit hallway with gentle hands, lets his fingers run up her arms as he helps her bend over. She empties the contents of her stomach onto the floor. Her head falls forward to rest against the wall and he wraps his arms around her shoulders to brace her. He can hear the sob rising in her throat, and when it comes, he wants to break down right there with her. He could have lost her. This extraordinary, strong, and beautiful woman who lets him follow her around, who puts up with his boyish ways, and loves him unconditionally, this woman who wants to start a _family_ with him, and he could have lost her tonight.

He feels Kate begin to slide from his grasp, her body slipping down the wall and onto the floor, her broken sob turning into an uncontrollable and gut wrenching keening that shatters everything inside of him. She's gasping for breath, in between haunting bouts of wailing, and her body is trembling hard against him as he crouches down with her, taking her face in his hands. Her cheeks are wet with tears and her eyes are unfocused, the rich brown and sparkling flecks of green he is accustomed to suddenly dull and lifeless.

"Kate," he breathes, pain squeezing his chest at the sight of her, the sight of his _wife_ coming completely unglued in front of him. He watches helpless as the panic begins to overtake her, drowning her in dark, icy waters of desperation as she struggles to breathe. He loves her, _loves_ her with an agony that burns deep in his core, and as he watches her slipping beneath the surface he knows that what she needs now is a tether, or he's going to lose her to the waves. His fingers brush over her cheeks. "Look at me Kate. Honey, I need you to look at me."

He watches as she struggles to lift her gaze, struggles to lock her eyes onto his as full blown panic takes hold. Her chest heaves for air, her throat bobbing, and her body shudders in an uncontrollable and erratic tremor. He tightens his hold on her face and rides it with her, the terror she's suffocating in, and then he let's the warm, rich tones of his voice cross the divide. "It's you and me Kate. _You_ and _me._"

She's clawing at him, scrambling to crawl into his lap and bury her body against him. He wraps his arms around her, but she knocks him off balance and he falls forward, her back slamming into the wall, his body crushing against her. He eases onto his knees, then brings his hands back to her face, holding her still against the wall as her trembling slowly begins to recede. She's staring at him, her eyes wide but clear and that's when he feels it, feels it grip at his heart in a way he never imagined. _Connection_. He's reached her. "I will _always_ come for you, Kate. Do you understand?"

She's staring at him, her chest rising and falling in a less erratic pattern as she's finally able to move air into her lungs. He dips his face to hers, lets her see all of the pain and love and passion swimming in his eyes. He can tell she sees it, can detect the exact moment that it comes to her by the subtle change in the fluttering of her pulse at the base of her throat. He brushes his lips to hers, gentle and reverent. He breathes solace against her lips and whispers declarations on the back of a silent prayer. "I'll always come for you."

* * *

He sits beside her on the gurney in the ambulance, his hip flush against hers, his way of infusing warmth into her chilled frame. The EMT goes about methodically assessing her wounds, but as Castle watches his wife flinch almost imperceptibly, he knows that the real wounds are deep below the surface of her skin. The abrasions to her wrists and ankles, the bruises forming along her neck and collarbone, those will heal quickly. The abrasions to her soul will take much, much longer to treat. He lets his eyes glide down her body, down her slender arm to where her hands are now folded in her lap, the index finger of her left hand pressed firmly between the thumb and index finger of her right hand. He sees her fingers going white and realizes she is squeezing her injured finger through the freshly wrapped bandage. She's trying to feel something and it shatters his heart all over again.

He lets his fingers crawl across her lap to tangle with hers and feels her intake of breath against his ribs. He's never letting her go again. She meets his gaze, her eyes a little less haunted than before, and he offers her a reassuring smile. He sees her melt a little at that and takes it as a good sign. In a precise but gentle move, he increases the pressure and gives her hand a squeeze, leaning in to nuzzle his nose against the soft warmth of her cheek. She's softer now, more pliable, and he wants to wrap himself around her until their bodies dissolve into one. He closes his eyes and breathes in her scent, marvels at how the antiseptic smell of Nieman's surgical room and the ambulance haven't yet washed away the soft hints of cherry blossoms clinging to her hair.

The EMT's hand on his shoulder startles him, brings him out of the grateful haze of love and warmth he's found with her on the gurney. "Mr. Castle," the man tries again.

Rick tightens his hold on her hand and looks up at the man. He can feel her watching him, silently allowing him to take the lead.

"Mr. Castle, Detective Beckett is refusing further medical evaluation." The EMT states it plainly, no hint of annoyance or disagreement in his voice. It's clear this man can empathize given the trauma she has been through.

Rick turns to his wife and sees the heartfelt plea in her eyes. She's done. She's just... _done_, and he needs to get her out of here. He needs to get her someplace safe. He turns back to the EMT, grateful for his service and nods. "It's Okay. If she needs anything, I'll see to it that she gets treatment." This seems agreeable to the young EMT who simply nods and then hops out of the back of the ambulance, leaving them with a few moments of privacy.

Rick feels her relax against him and he wraps an arm around her shoulders, smiles softly at the sight of her curled up next to him in the NYPD sweats Esposito had procured from the trunk of his squad car. "Come on babe," he whispers in her ear before pulling himself into a stand and tugging gently at her good hand. "Let's get out of here." She allows him to pull her up and into his arms, offering him a nervous smile as he helps her out of the ambulance.

* * *

The elevator doors slide open to the bullpen of the 12th and he holds her steady, feels the anxiety radiating from her body in waves. He hadn't wanted to bring her here, not tonight, but she needed to see her team, her captain. She needed to have some sense of belonging before locking herself away with him for a few days. She had quietly insisted, and he never could refuse her anything. He squeezes her, drawing her close and doesn't miss the way her left hand splays at her rib cage, recognizes her subconscious need to rub at her old bullet scar the way a young child rubs their their fingers along the ear of their favorite stuffed animal. He also doesn't miss the way her arm wraps tight around her midsection as she reaches for his own to hang on to, a self-protective move that makes his heart ache.

They step out into the precinct and her team marches her proudly down the hall, every cop on the floor offering a standing ovation and a thundering round of applause for the woman who has become a legend in this place. She's tough and tenacious and they know she'd put her life on the line for any one of them if it meant getting them all back home safe at the end of the day. They'd follow Kate Beckett anywhere, a fact illustrated by the sheer number of off-duty officers who reported in to help secure her rescue. She's the youngest female to make detective at the NYPD but watching these officers now, he knows that none of them are keeping score. To them, she's family. He looks down at her, pride filling his chest as Lanie appears in front of them, and he let's Kate slip free of his grasp to wrap her arms around her best friend.

He smiles as Gates steps forward, already anticipating the reprimand. "That was the stupidest, most reckless, irresponsible stunt you've ever pulled Mr. Castle." He can feel Kate's eyes on him, can feel her thinking from just a few feet away. "Thank you," Gates finishes, extending her hand to him.

He lets the grin spread across his face and takes her hand greedily before pulling her into a crushing hug. "Okay, okay, there's still the matter of the assault charges," She warns, stepping back out of his embrace.

He opens his mouth to speak but the wheels in Kate's head are turning and she beats him to it. "Assault charges?" She asks, sounding confused and slightly alarmed.

He tries to laugh it off, this being the last thing he wants her worrying about right now. Later, when she is well and they are whole again, he will tell her everything. Will confess what he almost did to Jerry Tyson in that apartment, what he'd do for her all over again. "Uh, it's a-it's a long story," He tosses her before turning to Gates. "Captain, you can't be serious?" He asks, incredulous.

Gates fixes him with a pointed look. "Serial killer or no, you threatened an unarmed man with a gun. The D.A. takes that very seriously. But in light of your outstanding work on this case, he's willing to drop the charges _if_ you agree to a thousand hours of community services."

"A thousand hours?" He exclaims, the volume of his protest a bit louder than he had intended. He looks at Kate, her expression unreadable.

"Yes," Gates continues. "As a consultant to Detective Beckett and the 12th precinct."

The smile that blooms across his wife's face nearly stops his heart. It's more than relief at being rescued, more than being home at the 12th among her peers, she looks calm… joyful even, and it's something he realizes has been missing lately. Her eyes crinkle around the edges, cheeks dimple, and he feels it too. The joy. They're a team again. In every sense of the word. It takes everything in him to drag his eyes from her to focus back on her captain. "I'm-I'm being unbanned?" He stammers in disbelief.

"Mr. Castle, welcome back."

This time when he embraces Captain Gates, he lifts her off of her feet. It's taken a long time for him to win her trust, his normal M.O. of being annoyingly charming seeming to have no effect on her. He knows that she wants what is best for her team and so he's tried not to hold her abrasive personality against her. The truth is that he's grateful for all that she's done, for the way in which she protects her people, protects Kate. When he sets her back down and turns to lift his wife into his arms, when he feels her wrap her lithe body tightly around him and buries her face into his neck, he wants to bottle the unparalleled feeling of this moment. To have her pressed warm and safe against him after what she's been through, after what he's been through to get to her, causes his heart to trip over itself in a frenetic pattern. He wasn't prepared for this. Could not possibly have been prepared for the startling rawness of loving her like this. He'd move mountains, cross oceans, and go to the ends of the earth for her and as he feels her tears drip underneath the collar of his shirt, he knows that she feels it too.

"Take me home Castle," she breathes against him, the soft resonance of her voice filling his head and heart like a soothing melody.

He'll take her anywhere she wants to go.

* * *

**So very sorry for taking this long to get this chapter published! I wanted it to be perfect and kept making changes before I had to force myself to walk away. Huge thanks to all of you following and reviewing. I do intend to keep going with this story, so look for more chapters soon. I'd like to also send love and unicorn kisses to my amazing Beta, Kyinhi, for her talent and constant nudging, and for her hatred of adverbs which forced me to re-examine some of my sentence structure in order to deliver maximum pain. Thanks again to all of you taking this journey with me, your comments are amazeballs**.


	4. Chapter 4

She can feel him curled against her, feels the warmth of his body slip between the soft threads of her shirt to breathe comfort against her skin. He's been like this for hours; possessive, desperate, and so damn grateful. She curls her toes into the sheets of their bed and hums as she nuzzles further into her pillow, the scent of him drifting up to dance across her face. She feels the weight of his arm resting securely at her hip and for the first time in two days she feels _safe_, and it's startling how moved she is by it, how completely enraptured she is by him. This beautiful man has conquered every corner of her heart, every light and dark space of her soul. He's been her champion and defender, her challenger and her ally; at her side when she needed his strength, and standing quietly in the background when she needed his reassurance. She never believed she could love him this much, never imagined what it would be like to feel him in her every breath.

She stretches her arm down the length of her body and lets her fingers drift to her abdomen. Slipping just beneath the waistband of her shorts, she presses them firmly into her warm flesh. She lets out a slow, measured breath as a smile tugs at her lips and she feels joy begin to bubble up and spread across her chest. The extraordinary culmination of their love, the perfection of their opposites, has come to life in the tiny being that floats warm and safe below her fingertips. The thought of it, of carrying his child inside of her, leaves her breathless.

She palms her lower abdomen and holds tight, closes her eyes against the sting of fresh tears. _Their baby_. She is carrying their baby and that fact had filled her with an instinctive yearning, a heartbreakingly desperate need to survive. She was pushed to be stronger, to fight harder, and longer. She should not have survived Kelly Nieman, should not have been able to walk out of that room. It was more than just her will to live, her need to come home to her husband for fear of what her leaving would do to him. She had to come back, because the beautiful soul growing inside of her had a life to begin.

She's suddenly grateful for the weeks of unease as she'd wrestled with how to tell him, how to tell herself, that they were going to be parents. She'd just needed some time.

* * *

When she missed her period, it hadn't occurred to her that she might be pregnant. She was still adjusting to work without her partner at her side, a dynamic they were both struggling to deal with. While role playing in his P.I.'s office certainly helped to take their minds off of missing one another, their connection had always been about more than just physical proximity. Not working together meant not having the intellectual intimacy they so craved, and so she had written it off as a random, one time event, an anomaly sure to correct itself in due time. But when another month came and went without having to run by the drugstore for sanitary napkins, she knew.

She had quietly phoned her doctor and asked for the next available appointment. She couldn't have left such a momentous answer up to a plastic stick; she'd needed to be certain. For ten days she convinced herself that everything was normal and went about her life as if she hadn't been made nauseous by the smell of coffee for days, or hadn't had breasts so sore it hurt just to peel off her bra at the end of the day. She was business as usual at work and at home, save for a few wistful glances at her husband when he didn't realize she was looking. This was big. She had to do this big.

Ten days crawled by and she'd finally found herself lying on an examination table, her body tense, her feet resting tentatively in stirrups. She blew out a breath and balled her right hand into a fist as she'd felt the ultrasound technician slip the probe into her and tried not to shudder at the cold sensation of the gel against her cervix. With the click of a few buttons, the sound of her baby's whooshing heartbeat filled the room and tears began to freefall down her cheeks. She was going to be a mother.

She'd left the doctor's office with a flashdrive of photos, an audio file, and a plan for how to tell her beautiful manchild of a husband that he was going to be a father again.

* * *

Ten weeks and five days. Her little baby had survived its trek from her fallopian tube to her uterus and then held on throughout the worst ordeal of her life. No spotting, no cramping, and she's so damn relieved and grateful to this child. It has to be now. She can't wait any longer.

She pushes up off of the mattress and turns to smile down at her sleeping husband, butterflies taking flight in her stomach.

"Castle," She breathes, her fingers crawling across the pillow to flutter at his cheek. "Babe? Can you wake up a minute?"

She sees him stir and bends to press a kiss to his forehead, her eyes drifting closed as the gravity of what she is about to do settles warm and heavy in her chest.

"Mmm, Kate," He mumbles, exhaustion clogging his throat. "You're supposed to be sleeping."

She grins at him in the soft moonlight drifting into their bedroom and marvels at how it smooths out the worry lines on his face. "I need to show you something." She strokes his jaw with the back of her knuckles and his eyes drift open, regard her with a curious expression.

"You trying to seduce me-" He cranes his neck over her shoulder to read the display on their digital clock. "At 4am?"

She scoffs at him in amusement. "Don't flatter yourself, Castle."

She sits up and folds her legs underneath her as he pushes himself up in the bed and rubs sleep from his eyes. "Everything okay, Kate?" His eyes search hers for any signs of distress and drift down to the still angry bruises encircling her wrists.

"Yeah," She breathes. "I just- I need to show you something."

She crawls from the bed and pads her way into his office to retrieve his laptop. When she returns, she lays it on the bed next to his hip and smiles shyly at him before turning to move toward their dresser. She hears him release a contented sigh as she reaches for her jewelry box and carefully lifts the lid. It's still dark in this corner of their bedroom and so she fumbles around inside the box, her fingers sliding across the cool metal of her mother's ring before finally landing on the thing she's looking for. Her heart trips in her chest as she wraps her fingers around it and she pauses a moment at the dresser, letting her eyes fall closed.

"Kate?" She hears the concern in her husband's voice and it pulls at her soul. What she's been through, what they've both been through in the last twenty four hours has left them emotionally scarred and fearful, but she can do this. She has to do this. She knows he'll be elated, that it's _good_ news, but she still finds it hard to voice it. It's been something she's carried alone for weeks and she still finds it difficult to be open, to share such an intimate part of herself, even if it's an intimate part of him too. She also knows that its been long enough, and given what they've survived, it's time.

She turns from the dresser and makes her way back to him, her eyes filling with tears as her heart threatens to crack open in the middle of their room. "It's okay," she comforts him, smiling broadly. "You're gonna love this."

He grins at her as she crawls back into their bed and she squeezes herself against him and opens the laptop. When she holds out her palm to him, he looks at her confused.

"Take it." She gestures, pushing her upturned palm towards him, the USB drive slipping as he catches it in her fingers.

He stares down at the drive then looks back to her, his eyes soft pools of crystal moonlight. There's a question in them but she can't bring herself to answer, can't let her voice be the thing he hears.

"Just stick it in." She grins, hoping that will gain her a salacious grin and _oh, it does_.

He inserts the USB drive into his laptop and then turns to her and waggles his eyebrows. "If this is a sex tape, then happy early birthday to me."

"It's better." She smiles at him innocently, then pulls her lip between her teeth.

He watches her, dazed. "I don't know if that is possible."

"Press play." It's a simple command, but something about the way she says it causes his eyes to snap up to search her own, a hint of knowing sparking in them. He's reading her, and while she's sure he's not seeing the whole story, she knows his heart is preparing for something momentous.

He looks back down at the laptop and clicks "Play" on an audio file.

She watches his breath catch, chest heaving upwards and failing to fall on the exhale. He forgets to breathe, and she heaves out a sigh of relief, releasing her anxiety as a calm certainty washes over her.

The new and yet distinctly familiar _whoosh whooshing_ sound of fetal heart tones fills their moonlit bedroom and as tears begin to stream down his face in time to the beat, she reaches for his hand. She can feel him trembling beside her and so she squeezes, grounding him.

"Castle," she whispers, tears slipping down her cheeks and onto her lips, her tongue peeking out to taste the salt.

"That's-" She hears him struggle to get the words out, and her heart is filling so fast she can barely breathe. She needs to hear him say it, needs to hear the moment it becomes real to him.

"That's our baby." It comes out on a sigh, filled with wonderment and reverence, and as he turns to look at her, his eyes locking onto hers, she's struck with a love so raw that it claws at her throat. Looking at him now, seeing the devotion and tenderness in his eyes, it takes her breath away.

He reaches for her and she lets her eyes flutter closed as the warmth of his palm connects with her cheek. She leans into his hand, turns her face to press a kiss into his palm before lifting her gaze back to him. He's staring at her wide eyed and perfect and she can't help the grin that spreads across her face.

"You're beautiful," He whispers as he brings both hands up to cradle her face, and rubs the pads of his thumbs against her jaw. "You're so damn beautiful," He murmurs against her lips.

She smiles against his mouth, feels her heart ignite with joy.

He nuzzles his nose against her cheek, her jaw, words tumbling from his mouth and onto her skin. "You went through all of this, the both of you?" He's disbelieving and anxious, and his hands slip to the base of her skull to tangle with her hair and pull her closer.

"We're fine, Castle." She mumbles against his shoulder, lets herself be wrapped up against him as she feels his racing heart begin to outpace her own. "Our baby is fine."

He shudders against her then and she can feel the sob before it ever leaves his throat. He rocks them back and forth and she buries her face into his neck as fear and relief pours out of him. "You're sure?" He whimpers it into her hair.

She pushes off of him and let's her hands find his face now, cradles it in her palms as she smiles brightly at him. "I'm sure."

She can feel him deflate against her, the momentary panic he felt himself swimming in beginning to subside.

"When-" He begins.

"Almost 11 weeks." She answers the question before it leaves his mouth.

What begins as a tentative smile soon spreads into an exhilarating grin and she sees the wheels in his head turning, revels in the spark of excitement she witnesses in his eyes. "This baby's initials are getting carved into the desk at my office." He laughs before regarding her with a beautifully sobering look. "It's gonna be great," he breathes.

She leans to brush her lips against his and then scoots down in their bed to lay her head on his chest. "There's photos." She points to the laptop as she snuggles into him, and he navigates to the correct folder on the usb drive while she busies her fingers, drawing lazy circles on the fabric of his t-shirt.

Three clicks, and they both suck in a breath at the sight of their baby. "Well hello little Cosmo." Castle chuckles at the little bean, its round head and tiny face in perfect silhouette.

She lifts her head from his chest to narrow her eyes at him, but the grin spreading warm and unbidden across her face betrays her. "We'll talk."

She lays her head back down on his chest and curls herself into his side.

"Babies _love_ space," is the last thing she hears before sleep overtakes her.

* * *

**Thank you everyone for the continued reviews and the love! I hope this chapter was worth the (long) wait. More chapters to come!**

**Also huge thanks to KyinHi for the awesome unicorn beta skills, and for the fact that I still owe her cookies. Lots and lots of cookies.**


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